Motherhood is often portrayed as a blissful experience, but for many moms, it’s also marked by feelings of exhaustion, frustration, and even resentment. These emotions are normal, yet they’re rarely discussed openly. The reality is, the demands of parenting can leave mothers feeling drained, especially when their efforts are not acknowledged or appreciated.
Are We in the Wrong to Feel This Way?
Let’s start by answering a question many moms ask themselves: Are we wrong for feeling resentment? The simple answer is no. Resentment often comes from feeling unrecognized, unsupported, or overwhelmed—and these are very real feelings when you’re with your baby all day, trying to meet their needs, while also managing housework or other responsibilities.
Research has shown that emotional labor, like caring for a child, comes with its own set of physical and psychological burdens. According to a study published by the American Psychological Association, mothers are more likely to experience mental exhaustion due to the disproportionate amount of caregiving responsibilities they take on. And it’s not just the physical work that’s exhausting—it's the constant mental engagement, the planning, and the emotional support that add up.
Feeling Dismissed or Unheard by Your Partner
If you’re expressing to your spouse or partner that you’re tired, and they respond by dismissing your feelings or even making light of them, it can be deeply hurtful. This invalidation often leads to resentment, especially when your partner compares their exhaustion to yours or claims they have more right to feel tired. It’s important to recognize that everyone's exhaustion is valid, but that doesn’t mean yours should be ignored or diminished.
No two homes are the same, and every situation is different. But one truth remains: moms have every right to feel tired. Caring for a baby is physically and emotionally draining, even if other chores are left undone. We’re not just watching out for the baby; we’re engaged with them on every level—whether it’s helping them through the phases they go through, dealing with sleep regressions, or soothing them when they’re teething. These are challenging experiences, and they take a toll.
The Mental Load and the Lack of Sleep
Sleep deprivation is one of the most significant contributors to a mom's exhaustion and feelings of resentment. A study from Harvard Medical School found that sleep deprivation can have severe effects on mental health, contributing to anxiety, depression, and irritability. And while both partners might be tired, moms often bear the brunt of interrupted sleep because they are typically the ones feeding, soothing, or comforting the baby at night.
It’s also hurtful when, after sleepless nights spent caring for a baby, your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate your efforts. For many moms, it’s about wanting to let their partner sleep while they take care of the baby—maybe breastfeeding or just staying awake to soothe them. This dedication, though often invisible, deserves acknowledgment.
Not all moms are fortunate enough to have a supportive partner, and many feel isolated in their exhaustion. If you’re one of those moms, let me tell you: you are not alone. It’s okay to feel resentment, frustration, and exhaustion. You’re not selfish for wanting acknowledgment or for feeling tired even if you’re "just a stay-at-home mom" or working part-time.
The Struggles of Pregnancy and Beyond
For many, these feelings of resentment start during pregnancy. The nausea, heartburn, sleepless nights, and other symptoms while your partner sleeps peacefully beside you can be a tough pill to swallow. It’s normal to feel a pang of envy or irritation, even when you love your partner deeply. Personally, I remember wanting to kick my husband at times, despite my love for him, because it felt like he was getting a free pass while I dealt with all the physical burdens of pregnancy.
Acknowledging the Unique Challenges of Moms with More Than One Child
Let’s not forget the moms who are dealing with even more challenging situations, like those with a toddler and a newborn, two under two. I can only imagine how incredibly demanding that must be. To all the moms balancing multiple young children, you deserve all the respect and acknowledgment in the world. It’s already exhausting taking care of one child—adding another into the mix takes strength and patience that should be applauded.
Breaking the Cycle of Resentment
Resentment, if left unchecked, can harm relationships and mental well-being. Here are some simple yet effective ways to manage and alleviate these feelings:
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Communicate Honestly with Your Partner
One of the most effective ways to combat resentment is open communication. Let your partner know how you feel and what kind of support you need. It’s not about making them feel guilty—it’s about making sure you feel seen and supported. Try to have these conversations when emotions aren’t running high, and both of you are receptive to discussing responsibilities. -
Take Small Breaks for Yourself
Carving out alone time is essential, even if it’s just 10 or 15 minutes a day. Go for a walk, take a long shower, or sit down with a cup of tea. These little moments can help recharge your energy and allow you to feel more balanced. Remember, you’re not being selfish—you’re taking care of your own needs so that you can be there for your family. -
Share the Mental Load
Many moms bear the burden of the "mental load"—all the invisible planning, organizing, and worrying that comes with running a household. Ask your partner to take on some of these responsibilities, whether it’s planning meals, scheduling doctor’s appointments, or taking care of the baby during certain times. Sharing the load can make a significant difference in reducing resentment. -
Seek Support from Other Moms
It’s easy to feel alone in these struggles, but remember that many moms go through the same feelings. Finding a supportive community, whether online or in person, can help. It’s validating to know that you’re not the only one feeling this way and to hear how others cope with the same challenges.
Your Feelings Are Valid
Moms, you are allowed to be tired. You are allowed to be frustrated. You are allowed to feel resentment. These emotions do not make you a bad partner or a bad mom—they make you human. Motherhood is an endless cycle of giving, and sometimes you need someone to give to you, too. Your well-being matters, and it’s okay to prioritize yourself, even when the world tells you otherwise.
We Want to Hear Your Story
Have you experienced these feelings of resentment or exhaustion? Whether it was during pregnancy or in the midst of raising young children, your story matters. Share it in the comments—let’s support each other, lift each other up, and build a community where moms feel heard, seen, and valued. Together, we can navigate these challenging emotions and learn to care for ourselves just as much as we care for our families.
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